Are you !@#$%&* kidding me?

I was at my dad's house on Tuesday when the mail arrived. Now, my mother used to order stuff from catalogs, so my father still receives approximately eleventeen gajillion of them each and every day. One of the catalogs that happened to arrive was the latest from Anthropologie, and I just thought I'd share some of their products with you.

Who can resist this fetching little number? Marled grey and yellow is one of my favorite color combinations, and you, yes YOU, can have this wondrous chapeau for a mere $178. Yes, you read that right, $178 USD. Why not buy two? Apparently this wool was collected from the blue-footed Andean River sheep, of which there are only three left in all of South America. Or something.

Everyone could use a comfy cozy blankie to warm their tootsies at the ski lodge this coming winter, and what better to snuggle up with than this wool afghan for only $198? I could crochet this bad boy in about 10 minutes, and it would cost me about $20 if I went all out and got some Lion Brand Thick n Quick (for some reason, the name of that yarn really grosses me out).

I hate it when I wear a hat and a scarf, and that quarter inch of exposed skin on my neck gets, like, super cold. Finally, the answer to my problems! I give you the scarf-hat, or scat for short. This wool, mohair, and nylon cranial accessory is a steal at $298. Two hundred and ninety-eight American dollars. For that price, it should come with a goddamn sheep, a goddamn mohair goat? elk?, and an oil well so I can drill for my own goddamn petroleum to make my own goddamn nylon.


And finally, the picture you've all been waiting for, the piece de resistance, la creme de la creme, I give you - crocheted boots. You'll have to excuse the fuzzy picture, but I think it's better that way, because if you could really see these boots well, you might either go blind or your brain might turn to sludge and ooze out your ear. Or both. And that would not be pleasant. Anyhoo, these fantastic foot coverings, handmade in Argentina, can be yours for pocket change people! Only $398. If only they came in orange.

At first, I was dismayed when I came upon these knitted and crocheted items, but then I said to myself, "Self, you need to get this knitter/crocheter's marketing person, because they are doing a bang-up job." Jesus, all I need to do is make a couple of these things, and I could retire at 34, which would be positively sensational. Food for thought...

Thanks for stopping by. Keep on keepin' on.