Important, and not so much...

So I'll start with the unimportant. WT and I noticed that these... things... had been appearing on the stove and the counter in our kitchen. Small, black, hard things, that looked suspiciously like - well, like mouse poo. So last night, I set a trap, because although I think mice are cute, they are not cute when they are crapping all over my family's food preparation surfaces. We use spring traps, because I don't like glue traps and I feel the spring traps are more humane.

Usually.

So I baited it and set it and went to bed. And when I got up, lo and behold, it had been sprung. Now, this is a covered trap, one that the little mousy-wousy has to walk into. So I turn it around, and the mouse's head was sticking out, which means s/he managed to walk into the damn thing, turn around, and then set it off. So I scream for WT to come dispose of the mouse.

Now, when I left the kitchen to go jump up and down in front of husband and flap my hands in disgust, the mouse's eyes were closed.

When I went back, they were open.

The damn thing wasn't dead.

More screaming, more flapping of hands. And now I am also dealing with heaps of guilt, and the whole goddamn point of the goddamn spring loaded trap is for it to be quick and painless, and Mickey has now been languishing for hours.

So after WT took our little friend outside and disposed of him, I bleached our kitchen counters. At 6:30 am. Before work.

What a splendid way to start the day.

***

And yet this is nothing, nothing, in the grand scheme of things. Watching the news of the shootings at VA Tech. Thinking of the parents, grandparents, spouses, siblings, and possibly children of the slain students and faculty. And again, the guilt that the president of that university must be suffering from at this moment. That perhaps he should have done more. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I am by no means defending what this boy did, but I have to wonder - what sort of sadness and anger did this young man have in his heart to commit this crime? How can someone despair so? There is a quote from the movie Anne of Green Gables, when Anne asks her adoptive mother if she ever despairs, and she says, "To despair is to turn your back on God." I am not an overtly religious person, but this has always resonated with me. I can't imagine living with no hope. I am fortunate to have been born into a wonderful family, and I have led a relatively stable life. I just don't understand.

So am not just thinking of those who were slain, although they weigh heavily on my mind. I'm thinking of this young man, and his parents, and the grief and confusion they must be dealing with now. And it's a shame that anyone has to deal with any of it at all. But I guess that's the nature of humans sometimes. And it makes me appreciate what I have.